Suicide is one of those subjects we would rather not have to talk about. It is painful. It is complicated. And for many families, congregations, and communities, it is deeply personal.
But silence has cost us too much.
Suicide does not belong to one group of people. It touches women and men, young people and older adults, people of every race, culture, economic circumstance, and walk of life. It reaches faithful church members and people who are unsure what they believe. Behind every statistic is a person, a family, a circle of friends, and often a community left asking questions for which there may never be easy answers.
As people of faith, we cannot promise that we will always know what to say. But we can promise that we will not look away.
Psalm 34:18 tells us, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” I find great hope in those words. God does not wait for us to get ourselves together before drawing near. God meets us in the middle of our pain.
The Church should do the same.
While suicide affects everyone, there are particular challenges surrounding men that we must be willing to name. Too many men have been taught that strength means handling things alone. We learn to provide, protect, fix the problem, and keep moving. We are not always taught how to say, “I am hurting,” “I am afraid,” or simply, “I need help.”
That silence can become dangerous.
A man may still go to work, attend church, laugh at a men’s breakfast, volunteer on Saturday morning, and answer “I’m fine” when someone asks how he is doing — all while carrying a burden that feels unbearable.
That is one reason I believe so strongly that men’s ministry must become more than simply gathering men in a room.
At the General Commission on United Methodist Men, we have been talking about moving From Club to Community. That phrase means more to me the longer I serve in this ministry.
Community means we know one another.
Community means we notice when someone has grown quiet.
Community means we ask a second time when “I’m fine” does not sound fine.
And community means a man can finally say, “I’m not okay,” without worrying that someone will think less of him.
That, too, is discipleship.
Suicide prevention is not something separate from the ministry of the Church. Sometimes loving boldly means asking a difficult question. Sometimes serving joyfully means sitting quietly beside someone who is hurting. Sometimes leading courageously means admitting that we cannot fix everything ourselves and helping someone connect with trained mental-health professionals who can help.
Our congregations also need to be prepared before a crisis comes.
Global Ministries and the General Board of Higher Education and Ministry, in partnership with the E. Stanley Jones Foundation, have developed Suicide Prevention for Faith Leaders, a video training course narrated by Bishop Gregory Palmer. It offers practical guidance for recognizing warning signs, responding compassionately during a crisis, and supporting families following a suicide loss.
I encourage pastors, lay leaders, United Methodist Men, and congregations to become familiar with resources like this and to make conversations about mental health part of the life of the church.
We will not always have the right words. We cannot prevent every tragedy, and the Church is not a substitute for professional care.
But we can create communities where people are seen.
We can notice.
We can ask.
We can listen.
We can stay.
And perhaps, in a world where so many people feel they must carry their struggles alone, one of the most faithful things we can say to another person is simply: You do not have to carry this by yourself.
May that become increasingly true in our churches, in our ministries with men, and in the communities God has called us to serve.
Rev. Dr. Rick Vance
General Secretary
General Commission on United Methodist Men
About the General Commission for United Methodist Men
The General Commission on United Methodist Men is a program ministry of The United Methodist Church, serving men’s ministry and scouting ministries around the world. Learn more.