By: Rev. Dr. Tyler Schwaller
October 22, 2025
“Love is patient; love is kind… It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends…” (1 Cor. 13:4, 7–8).
These are, dare I say, some of the loveliest words in the Bible. They are almost certainly among the most quoted. I have found myself returning to them a lot this month, but not because I am preparing for a wedding or even trying to remind myself of love amid so much hate and division. I am thinking about the apostle Paul’s powerful articulation of the primacy of love because October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
It's not only that I'm thinking about these words as an antidote to harm, though. I'm reminding myself how ethically perilous this ancient expression of love can become when it is proclaimed blithely.
It is so easy to turn to 1 Corinthians 13 when selecting a marriage ceremony reading. Because of course! And it is so simple to return to these verses when counseling couples in crisis.
But for those of us who proclaim biblical texts and offer spiritual care as part of our work, we would do well to consider for a moment how “love bears all things” and “endures all things” might sound to someone whose partner is abusing them.
Clergy and counselors have a professional and ethical duty to educate ourselves on the many forms abuse can take—including physical, emotional, sexual, financial, and spiritual—to recognize and resist the spiritualization of harm.
Let’s take seriously the weight of the biblical pronouncement that “love never ends” for someone considering whether and how to leave a toxic relationship. We should think about how the qualification that “love is not arrogant or rude” might feel secondary to someone who is being mistreated and yet hears that “love keeps no record of wrongs.” These ideas may be helpful when they are practiced mutually, but they can also be weaponized, intentionally or not, to sustain a sense of moral obligation that prioritizes accommodation over truth-telling, accountability, and freedom from harm.
For some readers, these caveats might be entirely obvious. For others, I hope I’ve challenged your ability to read this text again without thinking about people who are or may be experiencing intimate partner violence.
The point is not to undercut the beauty of love. It is to take seriously that love’s power also makes love precarious. Loving others opens our hearts to the most essential and wondrous aspects of human connection. At the same time, loving makes us vulnerable to some of the deepest forms of hurt when our love is betrayed and violated.
When we preach, teach, and counsel, let’s keep on proclaiming love. But let’s be careful, and care-full, about it. Let’s keep in mind how our articulations of love might be received by someone who is being harmed by a loved one (and if you’re not sure, this is an opportunity to learn from the stories of survivors).
Love may be all the things listed in 1 Corinthians 13, but love is not harm, and love does not do harm. The Greek verb (stegō) in the translated expression “love bears all things” means, first and foremost, to cover closely (so as to keep water either out or in), which gets generalized to mean to keep off or fend off, then eventually to bear up against or endure.
So, love does not bear all things in the sense of tolerating anything, even abuse. Quite the opposite!
Love protects. Love keeps out what does harm and holds in what nourishes.
To anyone who has been or who is being hurt by someone you love, let me say this clearly: you are not called to endure abuse. You are meant to be protected. And let it also be said that you are not crazy for loving someone who does harm to you. Your ongoing love speaks to the endurance of your care and compassion. When someone cannot or does not return your love in kind, that is not your fault, nor is it your responsibility or ability to fix. Seeking your own protection is an act of loving yourself, of fending off the harm and keeping safe the love that persists within you.
Love endures, but we who love are tender. Let's show love by being tender with each other.
Love never ends, but love never harms. Let’s do all we can to stop harm.
This Domestic Violence Awareness Month and always, let’s be real about love. Let’s make love real, the kind of love that is protective and strong, a true shield against abuse.
If you or someone you love is experiencing intimate partner violence, you can consult the National Domestic Violence Hotline, which has a toll-free number, online chat, and a directory of local providers.
For anyone interested in ways to build your community’s capacity to support survivors and respond to domestic violence, consider the Creative Interventions Toolkit.
You can also learn about ways to engage with abusive partners and create pathways for accountability and healing through the Center for Justice Innovation.
Schwaller is the director of sexual ethics for the General Commission on the Status and Role of Women.