By: Rev. Katrena King
Nov. 25, 2025
Imagine the private conversations you have with your friends have gone public. Are you comfortable with the entire world seeing the things you have written? There is power in the words that you write, that you speak, and that you think. There is more power in those that are done so publicly. Our ability to harness the power of words stems from the ways that we have learned to use them.
As children, we are often taught to think before we speak, and occasionally, to hold our tongue. Perhaps this conjures up memories of the phrase:
If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
Interestingly enough, you can find similar phrases and translations in many different cultures across the world. For example:
가는 말이 고와야 오는 말이 곱다.
If you speak kindly, you will receive kind words in return. (Korean)
Why do we have phrases like these in our local contexts? The common thread is that we believe that words matter. They can harm, and they can heal. They can tear down, and they can uplift. More importantly, they are heard. The words we say are heard by those that surround us, whether through the ears of our friends, families, and children, or those of complete strangers. Which words do you think are more memorable? Data has shown that in familial relationships, a person needs 5 positive interactions to neutralize each negative interaction.[1] This means that negative interactions weigh more heavily on us than positive ones.
Cem opunvkv yekcetv oces.
Your words have power. (Muscogee Creek)
Ord kan skade.
Words can hurt. (Norwegian)
We must also consider how that heaviness translates into a world of constant stimulation through social media. A 2024 study by the University of Kent offers us a snapshot into how social media algorithms are driving the popularity of hate and misogyny toward young people in virtual settings.[2] The study shows that the TikTok algorithm prioritizes extreme material [3] while also gamifying harmful content as a form of entertainment.[4] What is even more concerning is the statement by Dr. Kaitlyn Regehr of UCL Information Studies: “Online consumption is impacting young people’s offline behaviours, as we see these ideologies moving off screens and into schoolyards.”[5] What happens when our words go from behind the shield of our computer screens or cell phones, to out of our very mouths?
You might have heard the schoolyard chant: “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” You may have even used this statement as a defense to things that hurt your feelings, as a child. Well, whoever taught us that might have had good intentions, but in reality, we know the truth. Words can hurt. They also stick with you, sometimes for years, decades, or even a lifetime. Your words have impact, and you may not be able to take them back once they are out. There is a French saying that warns of walking too closely to the edge:
Faut pas pousser mémé dans les orties.
Don’t push grandma into the nettles.
[Meaning – A warning: You’re going too far and should stop.] (French)
Where is that edge for you, and where will you stop?
As adults, we are culpable for the things that we say and do, for better or for worse. We do not need to be protected when we speak our truth; we tend to mean what we say. However, when we say things, we open ourselves up to the possibility of a response. Sometimes, that is an in-person conversation that feels highly uncomfortable. Other times, it’s a virtual showdown for the whole world to witness. Either way, we are in it. Whether we are ready for the consequences or not is a different question entirely. Things might not always go the way we expect them to.
In Ephesians, we read that we are to “speak the truth in love.”[6] When we approach our words with this in mind, we must consider our delivery. We may be impassioned, we may feel fury in our very core, but I ask you—is that then, truth? Speaking the truth in love means becoming more Christlike. This does not mean to avoid speaking truth to power; it means doing such speaking with integrity. Jesus got angry, but with a purpose. He channeled his feelings to compassion in action, flipping tables and challenging injustice. This also caused a reaction in the public sphere that did not go over so well. And yet, Jesus was walking in his integrity. He also gave us guidelines around this when he shared the phrase “Let your ‘yes’ mean ‘yes,’ and your ‘no’ mean ‘no’ [...].”[7]
Ang mga salita ay mahalaga.
Words are important. (Filipino)
You may have once heard the adage: “Clear is kind.” This references being direct in a way that people cannot mistake what you are saying for anything else. I encourage you to say what you mean, mean what you say, and to do so with clarity. Being clear with your words indicates that you are walking in your integrity. This does not mean you might not upset someone with your words. It also does not mean that we cannot evolve or grow away from words that we have once said. Actions can have consequences, and so can our words.
The very word “integrity” means wholeness. When we show up as our whole self, we also need to be whole in our truth. Our words, whether public or private, need to be whole in our truth, too; even if it is not what others may want to hear. Are you prepared for the consequences of using your words? Is what you say in private, the same thing you would say to the world? Either way: words matter. Will you choose the right ones? How will you walk in your integrity? How will you speak the truth in love?
'Oku mahu'inga ho'o lea!
Your words are important. (Tongan)
King is the director of monitoring and resource development for the General Commission on the Status and Role of Women.
Special thanks to Rev. Juyeon Jeon, Jalisa Ross, Rev. Helen Byholt Lovelace, Angel Tshindj A Musaw, Lupe Mila Fifita, and Jenn Ferariza-Meneses for contributing translations and idioms to this article.
[1] Triangle Area Parenting Support. (n.d.). Positive Parenting Part 3: The Magic Ratio. https://www.tapsnc.org/blog/2025/10/3/positive-parenting-part-3-the-magic-ratio
[2] Regehr, K., et al. (2024, January). Safer Scrolling How algorithms popularize and gamify online hate and misogyny for young people. University of Kent. https://www.ascl.org.uk/ASCL/media/ASCL/Help%20and%20advice/Inclusion/Safer-scrolling.pdf
[3] Regehr, K., et al. (2024, January). Safer Scrolling How algorithms popularize and gamify online hate and misogyny for young people. University of Kent, 4. https://www.ascl.org.uk/ASCL/media/ASCL/Help%20and%20advice/Inclusion/Safer-scrolling.pdf
[4] Regehr, K., et al. (2024, January). Safer Scrolling How algorithms popularize and gamify online hate and misogyny for young people. University of Kent, 5. https://www.ascl.org.uk/ASCL/media/ASCL/Help%20and%20advice/Inclusion/Safer-scrolling.pdf
[5] Weale, S. (2024, February 5). Social media algorithms ‘amplifying misogynistic content.’ The Guardian. https://www.theguardian.com/media/2024/feb/06/social-media-algorithms-amplifying-misogynistic-content
[6] Ephesians 4:15
[7] Matthew 5:37